About me

I believe in God. I believe in miracles. I have seen them. I was always told I could not have babies, but as you can see you have these two beautiful boys. I believe God gave us these two beautiful boys for a reason. God gives us these beautiful miracles, these tiny little things to raise and to teach and to most importantly love, and it is our highest calling just to give them everything we can. That was the only hard thing about the diagnosis of Autism for Jairmie. It took me a little while to get past the thought of "why wasnt i able to teach him to talk? Why wasnt i able to give him that". God gives us these beautiful gifts that change everything we are. They are so worth it though. I cant even explain. God brings us through hell sometimes, just to get to where we are. Hard times, impossible outcomes, tears, fear, and all of a sudden you are hold ing this beautiful little one to cherish. That is a miracle. That God would pick YOU to raise these children, that is something to be in AWE of. God sacrificed so much for me, the way i see it, then not only does he give us this gift of forgiveness, and unending love, but he, knowing your imperfect, sends you a beautiful perfect gift... its shockingly humbling. Yes I believe in God and I believe God gave us Jairmie and Kaiden for a reason. We are honored to be their parents. I love them with all my heart. When you count ten tiny fingers ten little toes... when you hear that first little snore. you know what i mean. I am thankful so very thankful for these boys. On a more personal note, Recently I was betrayed by someone i love. Whatever the reason, I am thankful for one thing, everything that she did, reminded me one more time how precious these two little miracles are. I went from rushing through the day, task one task two, therapies, cooking cleaning, to once again noticing those little breathes, the song of a childs laughter while reading books while I am cleaning. I will not allow me to ever forget to absorb these things again. While I forgive her... i can never forget it. And I cannot allow my self to be fooled into trusting her again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I forgive her, but dont forget, I move on, and I thank God for using a selfish heart (to be fair, all hearts are a little selfish) to remind me to appreciate the little things in life... like a little man holding on tightly to my leg when im trying to vaccum. I thank God for reminding me its about the little moments. All mommys know what its like going day to day back to back moving constently loving your child giving them your best, and just being to busy to remember all the little things that are really the big things. I thank God to be reminded that therapy is important but kisses are priceless... that as the poem goes, quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.