Today I mourn; a call for change

Two years ago my eldest was diagnosed with autism. When that happened a dear friend of mine said to me "You mourn the child you thought you were going to have, Joanna, so you can embrace the child you were given." I would like to say I have done that. When buggy(my eldest) was diagnosed I was a flood of tears. I was terrified. When K(my baby) was diagnosed a year and a half later, well, I was a rock. Unshaken. Undeterred. Unafraid. My family has grown to embrace autism. We see all the beauty it entails. Don't think we are ignorant. We are not. We see and feel the struggles like every other autism family, we just choose to focus on the joy. We value their out of the box play(now that they actually play), we celebrate every milestone. We hold them to high standards we would have held them to had they been neurotypical. Manners are a battle but we are working hard on them. We are working on responsibility, so they have chorws. We are working on sharing. We are working on co-play vs. parallel play. We have never given our children the idea that there is any reason they should be favored, should be danced around, or should not be held to the same standards as everyone else. I have to say my children are fantastic. They are loving, silly, fun, flamboyant and ostentatious and... they are autistic.

But today, today is hard. Today I mourn. Today I mourn, because I am terrified for their future. Will they mainstream? Will they know love? Will they know friendship? Will the world take its head out of its rear, ignore its impossible standards and accept my children? It scares me to death. I love my children. But today I mourn, because my eldest (who knows he is autistic and will tell me he has awesome) asked me if his friends (who went on a vacation over Christmas break), left because of his awesome. "A & E bye bye cuz no like my awesome?" he asked. And no. Of course they didn't. His friends love him. He is blessed with some of the best friends. I am blessed to be friends with their mothers. But something was there to make him think that. It wasn't me. It wasn't my husband, or my friends. Like i said we have never given my children the ideas that they cannot do anything they want to. So what told my sweet 5 year old little boy that his "awesome" made him not good enough. What told him that he was not worthy of friendship. Please, someone tell me what told my kid that and how I can completely remove that from his life.... oh wait... it was the world. The world he and his brother are going to have to grow up in. Today I mourn. Today I am terrified for their future, for the future of all kids with Autism. With disabilities. Today I mourn for my children, and for my students(I am a paraprofessional in an autism specific classroom). I wonder if the world will see past the echolalia, the stemming, the need for sensory breaks, the need for routine and occasional hard time expressing emotion. I wonder if this world will grow to accept my buggy, my k, and everyone of my students. You see, I know, and you know if you have ever had a chance to love someone with autism, they are not a burden, they are a blessing. So someone please, speak out. So no one else's child has to assume that they are not worth friendship. Every single person was put on this earth with a purpose. Despite what disability they may have, or maybe because of their disability. They have something to give, they have an inherit value. And if we are to blind to see this the world will just keep getting darker. Shine for individuality, embrace and accept those with disability. Be someones friend. In 2016 make your mark on the world by making a mark on a life. Let them change you. Let them in. It will be worth it. You will be more for having done this, and the life you change with your love acceptance and friendship will not be the only life that will have been both changed for the better, but also changed for good. Today, I, a mom of 2 sweet boys, who are only 5 & 3 has to mourn, but together we can change that tomorrow. We can love, blindly, openly, and unconditionally. We can send the message that its ok to be different. That different is breathtakingly beautiful. Will you?