Let's stop scaring parents

This week my youngest, sweet lil Kaiden Wyatt was diagnosed with autism. 

On my blog to him you can find my thoughts I wanted to express to him. 

But here is what I want to say to the world. 

STOP TERRIFYING PARENTS!!!

Autism. 

The word strikes fear in the heart of parents. But bear with me if you will. 

Imagine you go into an office concerned about your child. He/she seems a little different from other children. After 3 hours, the doctor comes back with a sorrowful look on their face and says:

Miss/Mister (your last name), I have some unfortunate news for you. Your child has been diagnosed with 

Add any of the below:

Being different

Creativity 

Uniqueness

Stubbornness

Focus

Energy

Imagination 

Organization 

Logic

Practicality 

Honesty 

Strangeness

Abnormality 

Resourcefulness 

Now what do you think? Because every one describes people on the autism spectrum all over the world. 

Not to belittle the struggles autistics face living in a neurotypical world but they can live happy lives. They can live productive lives. Autistics have friendships, degrees, jobs, spouses, sex, and children. 

This isn't my first rodeo. 1 1/2 years ago my sweet Jairmie William was diagnosed. 

And they terrified me. They made me think my child would have no future. 

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING ISNT TYPICAL DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT VALUABLE!!!

Please my friends and readers share this. Because there is something you must learn this autism awareness month:

Autism isn't a sentence to a bad life, it's a different path to a good one.

Every single autistic adult I have ever talked to will tell you they wouldn't change anything about who they are. 

They don't want a cure. They don't want to be fixed. They are fine. There are hard things in their life but every diamond is formed under pressure. 

This is what you can expect of your child! 

Let's give autistic children and adults support to be the best they can be. To reach their full potential, as aided by their autism.

Let's accommodate sensory needs, support development and be cheerleaders.

Maybe their life will be completely conventional "normal" as we like to call it, with just a few quirks. 

Maybe they will have to have help caring for themselves. 

But I gaurentee that autism will not limit the most important things life holds

Love

True Friendship

Memory

Faith.

An really, what else is there.

So what if it's not normal? When did normal become a goal? Have we started asking our children to be average? What ever happened to unique, extraordinary, and amazing. Why would we ever want our children to fit in some mold when if they break the mold we can see what a beautiful creation they were made to be?

Autism is always seen as a negative 

But look into history. What amazing famous people who changed the world, would today have been diagnosed with autism? 

Don't let them tell you what your child can do. Because nothing is more heart breaking for a child when you believe more in a stranger then you do in them. 

Please, this autism acceptance month of April, try to see the beauty in autism. 

Let's stop scaring parents. Sure let us know there is a rough road ahead, but tell us there is hope. Tell us how to support our child and keep them safe. Don't just leave us floundering in terror. Tell us of successful autistics. Tell us of the success story you know. Stop saying "autism" the same way people say "cancer" or any number of things that are actualy deadly. 

Autism isn't a disease or sickness, so stop treating it like such.

Stop making us terrified, and start actually educating us. On what autism is for the adults living with it, on both sides of the spectrum 

And parents, don't worry, your not alone. Look in the eyes of your child, because I know when I do I'm reminded Autism is beautiful. 

Why I am not sorry my children have disabilities.

Every time I meet a new person who meets my children, they instantly notice a few things. 

1) bug doesn't talk like normal children his age

2) k doesn't really say much more then Hi (to new people) 

3) neither have any kid with kid social understanding

4) they both have strange behaviors

Often I have to give an explanation. 

"This is Bug, he has autism, and this is k, and he has a global developmental delay"

The same result comes every time, out of almos every persons mouth

"Oh, I'm so sorry that must be hard"

And I always think the same thing.... 

Here we are again. 

While I really appreciate the heart and care behind their concern I have to explain something to them every time. 

"Thank you, but I'm not sorry do you don't have to be either." 

Insert the startled looks. 

But I am not.

Both my boys are disabled, different and down right strange in some aspects. 

But dang, they are amazing! 

I want to approach a topic with you. Of course there are some hard things about raising two disabled children. There are hard things about raising children in general. The hardest for me is when the children can't tell me what's wrong. 

Second is the sensory overload 

Yes these are hard, but other parents have hard things too. 

Like (idk I don't have neurotypical children) but I would imagine that when your 4 year old tells you they hated you, that's hard. 

Or getting time with them

Or when they talk back to you it's hard. 

There are however 2 different kinds of hard here. See for me it's desperation not knowing what is wrong with my child we they are in a meltdown. For you it's not knowing how to make your child understand what you do you do out of love. 

My sons, never have a flicker of doubt in their mind I love them. They never say they hate me. They never want to ignore me(any more).

When you hear about autism it's terrifying. It is. I was terrorfied. I asked my sons diagnosing therapist "does he know I love him." 

See he was nonverbal back then. Lo those 18months ago. 

You want to know why autism was so scary? Because it's scary for a different reason then the dx we have for k.

So do you know why it's scary? 

ALL YOU EVER HEAR AVOUT AUTISM IS BAD. OR TERRORFYING. OR MEAN.

You never hear about the brilliant autistic writers, artists, doctors, carpenters, practitioners, home makers or anything else.

You never hear about the autistic social butterflies. 

Unless you are IN the autism community these are not things you hear. So when I heard autism I saw what I had grown up seeing an hearing. You see my moms friend had an autistic son who also had a long list of mental disorders. His comorbid conditions made him a horrible threat to his family. Not the autism. The comorbid conditions.

So that's all I knew. That's it. 

The fact is, as my son and one very specific autism community on Facebook has showed me, AUTISM IS BEAUTIFUL 

Infact: 

Autism is beautiful 

Autism is hard

Autism is madness 

Autism is genius.

Autism is energy

Autism is joy

Autism is strength

Autism is fear

Autism is loving

Autism is playing

Autism is habits

Autism is hobbies

Autism is power 

Autism is trust

Autism is faith

Autism is a full life. 

Autism is a big part of a person, but dammnit they are still a person! 

My favorite quote:

To succeed in art or science it seems one must have at least a little spark of autism - Hans Aspergers.

Autism is scary. Until you know what autism is. 

I am not scared of autism. I am not sorry my son has autism.

Yes k's global developmental delay is scary. It's scary because often k learns so slow. Often I don't know how to teach him. What will work. When will I find what will help him or what is causing his delay.

For the sake of this we will say GDD 

GDD is unpredictable

GDD is quirky

GDD is not growing up to fast

GDD is big smile 

GDD is warm hugs 

GDD is frustration 

GDD is flourishing 

GDD is learning and changing 

GDD is staying the same

GDD is bright eyes, smart kids and silly fun. 

It's scary because much more often then bug i find myself not knowing how to help him. I get bug more then k. It's even been poised to me that I may be aspergarian, I don't know. I don't really care for a dx if I am cuz I'm comfortable with hi I am, 

My point is: every child comes with their share of trials they and their parents must face. Don't feel sorry for me. feel sorry for parents whose children face cancer and don't make it, for parents whose children face Krabbe or Battens disease. 

Feel sorry for those who have to watch their kids die. When I say this, don't feel sorry they had them, feel sorry we don't have cures for ACTUAL illnesses and fight to help find them. 

What you can do for me is see my children's different ablilities are a part of them, and they are amazing just as they are. Be my friend let me cry and remind me how blessed I am. Tell me you don't know how to help, but don't apologize for who my kids were born be. 

Thank you. 

I have a beautiful family. 

Beautifully unique.

I know God made them this way, and if you asked me, when he made these boys, he out-did himself ;) 

I mean look at those faces! 

To the parent of the kids who don't give a care

Dear fellow parents:

I want to say thank you. Thank you so much. I am so thankful your child doesn't care. No, seriously:

Thank you for raisin a child who doesn't care that mine makes loud noises:

Sometimes both my boys tend to screech, and talk very loudly. Thank you for raising a child who doesn't care.

Thank you for raising a child who will spin in circles with my child and just laugh with them. Sure it's not conventional play but it's totally fun so they don't care. 

Thank you for raising a child who doesn't care if mine takes a toy from them, and just kindly asks them to ask. They do it because they lack social skills and we are truly trying. That is amazing that they don't lash out, or get mad, cuz they just don't care. 

Thanks for raising a child who doesn't care if others notice mine is different. It's refreshing to know that they will have friends who except their differences. That the future world will have adults who don't care.

Thank you for raising a child who doesn't care about stigma, doesn't care about normal, but instead  just cares about fun, having fun with my child. 

Sometimes children care too much.

Thank you for raising a child that doesn't care. A child that sees a heart, not a diagnosis 

To raise a child who doesn't care, we know you don't care, so thank you for not caring. 

You rock. And I promise is that if you ever face a child's diagnosis, I won't care either <3 

To my child(rens) therapists

Dear therapy team,

First off I want to say thank you. There are not enough words in the English language to articulate exactly how much what you do means to my child(ren), myself, my family, and our world. When you lay your head down to go to bed at night please know you do so having made such an incredible difference in this world. You matter. Your worth is more then words can explain. You didn't choose your career for money, you didn't choose it for power, no, you chose it to make a difference in the lives of children. This makes you something amazing. This makes you special. Thank you for the work you put into my child(ren). 

Please forgive me when I fall short. I sometimes push too hard. 

I sometimes expect you to have answers to questions I have that no one can answer. That is completely unfair of me. I just want someone to tell me we will be ok. 

Sometime(let's be honest, usually) when you come to my home it's not as clean as I would like. It's cluttered the dishes need done and sometimes it smells like unpleasant botily excretions. I promise I am trying to potty train my child who "should have been trained years ago" and until then it sometimes stinks here. I wish I had the strength time and energy to keep my home better homes and garden perfect for you. There is no sarcasm here. I really wish I did. It can jus be so hard. Thank you for not commenting when the floor needs mopped, or on the smell. I promise my house may not always be clean, but

It's always safe

Thank you for not commenting when it's obvious I haven't even found time to wash my own hair in days.  When I look tired and sloppy and my breath stinks because I was so rushed this morning I forgot to brush my teeth. Please realize I haven't eaten in those days either. There was a time when I dressed nice, when I did my hair pretty, when I did my makeup  and when I appeared to put enough care in myself. I just don't have the time anymore. My child(ren) are my only concern. 

Thank you for understanding that I work a full-time job with special needs child(ren), am a maid, a chef, a photographer, a mock-therapist, a cheerleader, a doctor, a wife, a mother, an employee, and even though my child(ren) are your job you still try to remind me of the value of me. Thank you for reminding me I am my child's biggest gift. 

I have a unique perspective on the world. I know what you give to it. You have made this world better already. 

Thank you for coming alongside my family, being non-judgemental, and realizing that we are fighting like hell just to give our child(ren) the world. For knowing sometimes it's like we are a ship taking on water. For knowing and understanding that in this life we lead, we would change nothing. Because to us our child(ren) are spectacular. 

Thank you for enduring the meltdowns, let downs, tantrums, tiredness, frustration, sometimes the anger our child(ren) sometimes have with grace. Thank you for being loving and not angry. Thank you for taking the bite my 4 year old gave you and using it to teach him instead of viewin him as a "risk". 

Thank you for forgiving my screw-ups. I never expected this life. I never expected to have to meet you. I never thought we would be here today. But we are and i am thankful to be here, with beautiful child(ren) and such support. 

As a special needs mom it can be frightening, hectic, guilt stricken, tiring, busy, hopeless, hopeful, beautiful, joyful, chaotic, pride-filled, and amazing life. Sometimes the world doesn't see the value in my child(ren) like I can. Like you can. They are different. They are beautiful. 

Thank you for understanding I am first and foremost a mother. Thank you for helping my child reach their God-given potential and purpose. Thank you for being an angel in disguise. 

With unequivocal gratitude, 

Us Special needs mothers. 

My sweet boys J & K :) both have disabilities, both have been helped by therapists diligent work! 

Dear Me:Past and Future.

Dear 10 year ago me, Today you are hanging out with Jairmie. Your having a blast and your heart beats faster when you are near him. He doesn't know how you feel 100% yet but he will. And though he will take some time, he will understand his feelings for you, and fall for you all over again. Take it from me. Our 5th wedding anniversary is 5 days away (that's right, you marry him in 5 years. But that's all about the wedding you are getting out of me). In the upcoming years you are gonna see hard times with him. Up up ups (like your first kiss) and far downs(like saying good bye) but together you will get through it all. Remember why you fell in love with him nine years from now... because your going to be blindsided by someone you thought was loyal to you, and he is going to blame you at first. Let him. He needs someone to be mad at right now.... just don't blame yourself. People are who they are and we are very loving, trusting, and sometimes a bit to naïve. That's what makes us who we are though. You live and you learn. Don't get paranoid by this message. You will come out of this trial stronger (trust me... it ends). You will forgive the person who hurt you but you will learn from the experience (its not tiffany. you don't know who tiffany is right now but its not tiffany. remember that). You are going to have children. Yeah... those doctors, they were horribly mistaken. One idiots going to tell you to abort a child. Ignore him(I did). Hes an idiot and that baby will be your first miracle. Yes I said first. So far you have 2(but right now you REALLLY want #3. In raising these two beautiful kids you will acquire strength you never new existed. Hope you never thought possible... joy immeasurable and pain that makes your heart break. They will have special needs. Oh but will they ever be two special children. Total miracles. You will not sleep (after your first child's first year) more then 5 hours a night. They lie to you. You don't adjust, but they are worth it. You will see them surpass the prognosis's of doctors (yep they get that from their momma). You will heard words you never thought would come out of their mouths, see them triumph and learn their strengths. Your heart will be filled with so much love it cant be understood. When they fail. When they are frustrated. When the disability is making their life harder, you heart will shatter. But with giggles, laughter and some good old fashion faith, you will get through those hard times. They are amazing. You will be in awe. What else? right now you are looking at going back to college (yeah if I could turn back time, I would get my act strait). Your dad, will never be a part of your life again. So when you see him before you leave (all I can say) tell him you love him, and will miss him. Hold him tight. Him being out of your life will break your heart. You will miss him at prom. You will miss him on your wedding day... you will miss him when your kids are born... but you will get to the point that his memory is only a pain in special moments. Your inlaws are amazing. They take you in. They love you like their own child. So in 6 years when they are saying stuff wrong or hurting your feelings and not meaning to.. go easy on them. They really are great people. They really do love you. They just don't always agree with you. That's ok. Make sure they know you love them too. I think they doubt how much I love them. Note that they don't quite 100 percent seem to get the disability thing, but that is ok. I am pretty sure they will soon enough :) They will go through a time of disbelief in you. You will prove them wrong to Jairmie and though him believing them will make you cry (I mean really? its truly ridiculous) you will for give him and he will still be fighting (at least he is now) to forgive himself for doubting your love. Mom and you are in contact by now. You will end up being one hell of a rebellious teenager in your own way. You will go live with her for a little while. SHe wont want you to talk to jair. You will and your right to. You will start work the day after you turn 16, you will give it all to her because you love her, and eventually you will get burnt out. You will feel unappreciated and you will be tired of fighting with you mom(pretty normal things though) you will hurt mom terribly at the climax of this. You will regret that it hurt her, but no doing it, because I would not be where I am today if it were not for that decision. And when your my age your mom will be one of your best friends. Mom really is fantastic. You definitely don't always agree but you get over that she couldn't watch you grow up, and you learn to just embrace right now with her. You really do get along now... and you love eachother so. She isn't the clingy mom/grandparent you were hoping she would be, who would go on shopping trips with you, always tell you how beautiful you are, and support your every decision (there are 2-3 she doesn't and it really is upsetting to you) but she is awesome and you guys get past the bad stuff and rarely fight. You will grow in god. You will get lost in the world, and then you will grow in god. People will second guess your faith sometimes because churches don't always get your childrens disabilities, but you will remember that the church is the house of God. It is not the opinion of God. You will write. You will hold memories close. You will be obsessed with pictures. You will be ok. Not always happy, almost always overwhelmed, but you will be ok. And don't worry you and mom work things out(though you will always annoy the daylights out of tammy). Joanna Marie, you are stronger then you think. You will learn who people really are. You will hurt. You will find fierce friends, and wolves in sheeps clothing. But you will be better for what you live through. You will be strong. You will be ok. You will have times of so much joy and times of I-don't-know-if-I-can-keep-breathing pain. Don't give up on yourself. You... 10 years from now. Dear future me, I wonder if the boys are ok. Are Jairmie and Kaiden both talking? Social? Do they have friends? Sleeping regularly? Right now Jairmie just started talking 8 months ago, and Kaiden just said his 5th word. We are pretty sure Jairmie will work it out, but sometimes we still worry about Kaiden. I bet they are SOOOO handsome :) Do you have the little girl you always dreamed of? Did you get your degree? Because right now im still scared to return to school. YOur being understanding of jairmie right? Because he is stupid so often... but he is also the love of your life. You love him for his smile, for his strengths, you love him for his joy and it hurts you when he hurts. Remember just cuz he shuts down doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Where do you live? Do you have friends? Right now my friends are so far away. is mom still around. I hope things are ok with you and her. Does will have kids yet? I hope so. He will be an amazing daddy :) When things are hard look back where you came from. We are strong. Buggy is into something. SO I must leave. But I hope you are where I hope you will be. 25 year old me.

Lately I've been thinking

I consider myself a woman of faith. I believe in God, in the bible, in good will towards my fellow man. In making a difference. In leaving a legacy that leads back to God. But lately I have been struggling, and probably over thinking things. I see leaps and bounds of progress in my 2 boys. Buggy is up to almost 50 words, Kaiden is slowly starting to talk, and I am thankful and proud. I know they will be just what they are supposed to be, but say they are behind. Saying they are delayed. Say they are disabled and they notice it. Say it causes them pain. What do I tell them to renew their faith in a god I so strongly believe in. After weeks of thought, I feel like I have been given the answer to such questions. My boys, you were born to a mother who could never have kids. You were given as a gift to the world. Your births were supposed to kill me, but I am still here. You were given prognosis' from doctors. Kaiden your pediatrician thought you "simply may never progress" and Jairmie, they said you would never talk, but look at you now. You were not given the easiest path but it was yours. And it's exactly where your supposed to be. You were put on this earth to remind people to never loose hope, never let go, never give up. You were given as a reminder to NEVER believe in the impossible. I want you to remember our songs we sing. All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, our lord God made them all. If he took the time to make you do you think he would mis-make you? You are my miracles, my inspiration and the renewal of my faith. You can be anything. No person, no diagnosis, and no sichuation can stand in your way if you don't. Why did God make you like this? Because that's YOUR purpose. I am honored to be part of that purpose and journey. I want to see you soar in what you love. Don't let anyone change you. Ever. You change you. Make you who you thing HE would have you be. Love and live, have joy and peace and just a few tears but Never doubt you were beautifully and wonderfully made with a purpose. I love you dearly. And if you need further answers talk to he who places you with in me and spoke life into you. My precious boys. Mommy wishes the world for you. But not this one, one you will make better

Crazy amazing days

So many good things going on lately! So many crazy hectic beautiful things! Kaiden is WALKING! Scratch that, he is almost RUNNING! It is insane to me that my baby is sooo big! Jairmie is talking! yes thats right TALKING! All numbers, and the word "bug" (his nick name) but I am so very thankful! I can hardly believe what God has done for us in such lil time! PRAISE THE LORD! They are beautifully and wonderfully made, that is for sure! My boys are just where they are meant to be in their lives right now. K has speach ot and pt therapy Jairmie is now part of DDD and has respite and they are clearing his habilitation! He is in school 3 hours a day 4 days a week and I am thankful its helping him so much! I miss him but it gives me and k kaiden and mommy time and im soo thankful And then of course im working. Its been hectic, i wish i had time for more gushing about my joy and pride in these 2 fantastic boys, but alas i do not! so *GUSH GUSH TEARS OF JOY" thank you all for reading!